Romans 12.9-21

If you were here throughout last year (particularly the first half of the year, from about October to March), you’ll remember that we went through a particularly rough period as a church. There was tension, there was division and gossip, and although it only directly effected a handful of people in the church, it was felt by everyone. It was a profoundly difficult time, both for you (church members) and for us.

Romans 12.9-21 was written as a protection for that kind of situation. No church will ever be immune to what we went through, but the commands in this text help mitigate the damage. And the wonderful thing we saw is that it did just that. Many of you who were directly impacted by that situation actually took on the characteristics Paul exhorts the Romans to take on here, and while it was painful for you, you actually grew through that experience instead of being crushed by it.

I am so grateful for what God did in you and through you last year, that we got to see the effects of these commands actually play out in our church. But there is always more work to be done, so this text will always be a precious help to us.

Last week we saw that the first eleven chapters of Romans are a breathtaking description of God’s grace and mercy to us in Christ—and because of this grace, Paul begins chapter 12 by saying:

I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. 2 Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

I’m probably going to be re-reading these two verses at the beginning of every sermon for the next couple months, because everything we see up through the beginning of chapter 15 is the application of these two verses. Paul says, because of God’s incredible grace and mercy to us, we are called to present our bodies as living sacrifices to him—everything we have, everything we are. Transformed progressively from top to bottom, we give ourselves wholly to him. What does that look like?

Last week we saw the first two ways in which our sacrifice should manifest itself: we should consider ourselves soberly, humbly, and not think too highly of ourselves; and secondly, we should use everything he has given us to serve the body of Christ.

Those two calls, while not always easy to do, are relatively straightforward. They are things that we do. We remind ourselves to think objectively about ourselves and others, and we work hard with the gifts he has given us to serve the body of Christ.

But—as you’ll quickly see if you read the Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 5-7), it’s not just about what we do, but about what kind of people we are. It’s not just about our actions, but about our character.

Summary: Love Sincerely, Obey Passionately (v. 9)

That is essentially what Paul does today. He continues giving commands that flesh out what it means to present our bodies as sacrifices to God—and he begins with a verse that serves as a summary of everything he’ll say next. V. 9:

9 Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good.

The overarching principle here is that the Christian is to be characterized and motivated by sincere love (cf. John 13.34), which works itself out in obedience to God and care for others.

If we want to know if our love is genuine, we shouldn’t look at our feelings, but at our lives. We say we love each other—how do we serve one another? How do we give ourselves up for one another? We say we love God—how do we present ourselves to him as a living, holy and acceptable sacrifice to him?

Love produces obedience, and if our love for God is sincere, our obedience won’t be begrudging or half-hearted; it will be passionate. He says to abhor what is evil and to hold fast to what is good: not do what is good even though you kind of miss the sin you left behind.

If you don’t feel like this is the case for you today, rest assured: I don’t either. I don’t think anyone can look at themselves and think that their love for God and others is totally without hypocrisy, and that they never have sinful desires. As we saw last week, this is the trajectory of a person who has been saved by the grace of God in Christ, who understands “the mercies of God” Paul laid out in chapters 1-11. This is the trajectory of someone who is being “transformed by the renewal of their mind.”

So sincere love and passionate obedience are the two overarching principles here, and Paul is going to expand on those principles to our lives in the body of Christ. Then he’ll widen the scope to include not only how we interact with our brothers and sisters, but how we interact with those outside the church—even with those whom we could consider enemies.

Love and Obedience in the Church (v. 10-13)

In v. 10-13, Paul gives us lots of different imperatives that can be separated into four distinct commands, that act almost like a sandwich: two commands concerning our relationship with God, and on either side of those, two commands concerning our relationships with one another.

We find the first command in v. 10, which is simple: Love one another like a family. V. 10:

10 Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.

This command to love one another with brotherly affection is a very interesting command to give to people in Rome, at this point in time. This “brotherly affection” is a familial love: it’s the love we feel in a close-knit family. This was a radical departure from the norm, and often still is today—because, as the saying goes, blood is thicker than water. Or, as The Godfather taught us: family is everything.

These Jews and Gentiles in Rome are looking at each other, saying, “These people aren’t my family.”

And Paul says, “They absolutely are.”

Look around you. The people sitting around you, if they share your faith in Christ, are your family, in an even more profound way than your own family is your family. The unity he has brought to the church is not only deeper than our blood ties, but it is eternal, wrought by God himself.

And if we truly and sincerely love one another with brotherly affection, we will outdo one another in showing honor.

This is another massive departure from the norm. The culture into which Paul is speaking was an honor/shame culture (similar to the cultures many of you grew up in). The right way to live was to seek honor for yourself. And while this isn’t as much of a cultural norm for us today in the West, it’s definitely still natural to think this way.

But Paul flips this instinct on its head, saying, “No, don’t seek honor; give honor. Let your goal be, not: How can I gain the most honor for myself? but rather, How can I GIVE the most honor to my brothers and sisters?”

The CSB’s translation of this verse is also good: “Take the lead in showing honor.” It should be our instinct to want to see others honored rather than ourselves.

Often it goes the other way—we see someone honored for something they’ve done well and we feel jealous. We’d love to be in their shoes. But if our love for them is genuine, if it is brotherly affection, then seeing them  honored in ways that we are not will never be a disappointment, but a joy; in fact, we should be actively seeking ways to honor them instead of ourselves.

Why? Because if the body actually functions like this, everyone is honored. There is no reason for jealousy, because everyone will be constantly reminded that everyone is valuable, a member of the body with their own specific gifts to contribute.

What could be more surprising, in this Instagram world, than a group of people in which everyone is honored, and no one seeks honor for themselves?

Here’s the second command for the church: Love the Lord with intensity. V. 11:

11 Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord.

This one bites.

Think of how incredibly productive we can be when we’re doing something we love—whether it’s a job or a leisure activity. We are capable of putting in long hours, of being hyper concentrated, of centering all our enthusiasm on what we love.

Compare that concentration and that enthusiasm to what we bring to the Bible and prayer, what we bring to our service to God.

We present ourselves as “living sacrifices” to a lot of things—while often God gets the sloppy seconds.

If we keep Romans 1-11 in mind, it is obvious that it should be the other way around. Our zeal for the Lord should outpace our zeal for anything else we love. Why? Because our love for him should be genuine—after all he’s given us, this is our reasonable worship. It’s the only response that makes sense.

Now, all of us will hear that and immediately feel guilty, because all of us are “slothful in zeal”, none of us are “fervent in spirit” to the extent that we should be. Remember, this isn’t a command to condemn—there is no condemnation in Christ—but to set the goal. This is where we should be headed.

Next: Trust the Lord with firm assurance. V. 12:

12 Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.

As long as we are living in this world, tribulation will be constant. It’s part of living in a fallen world. So our eyes should be set on the hope that we have, and we should be so focused on this hope that it actually brings us joy.

The Bible doesn’t speak of hope the way we do; it’s not a kind of wish for something we don’t know will happen (like, “I hope it won’t rain tomorrow”). It’s the confidence we feel in what we know is coming.

I’ve used this image lots of times, but I’ll say it again. Hope in the Bible is like that feeling you get when you’ve been away from home for a long time, and you’re finally going back. Your plane has landed, you’re standing up and gathering your things, and you’re excited, because you know that just beyond that ramp, just on the other side of that wall, your family’s waiting for you. You can’t see them yet, but you know they’re right there.

This hope is both the fuel for our joy, and our security when troubles come. So how do we grow in that hope?

There are several ways, but constant prayer is one of the best: prayer is one of the best tools God gives us to help focus our attention on our hope. It’s a little like watching a baby laugh hysterically. No matter what you’re going through, how miserable you are, when you see a baby just losing it with laughter, you can’t help but crack a smile.

In a much deeper way, prayers of thankfulness for God’s faithfulness to his promises are an antidote to sadness in tribulation. They remind us of what’s actually true, not just what’s apparently true. They recenter our focus on what is coming, not just what’s here. And they teach us to patiently wait for those promises, to rejoice in the hope we have.

Now, I’ve noticed something over the years. I’m not sure how to explain it, or why this is the case, but it almost invariably is: those Christians who rejoice in the hope of God’s faithfulness to his promises, who are the most constant in prayer, will almost always be the most focused on the needs of their brothers and sisters in Christ.

If we trust in God’s promises, we know those promises are not only for us, but for all the family of God. So our joy in the hope we have in God motivates us to care for one another with generosity—which is the fourth command we see here.

V. 13:

13 Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality.

I’m close to both of my brothers, and Loanne is close to hers. If one of my brothers, or Loanne’s brother, showed up on our doorstep today, that door would be open. We wouldn’t even need to think about it, because they’re family.

It’s not quite so obvious when we’re talking about the church, because we forget that we’re family. So we have to go out of our way to show one another that we are here for them. To the best of our ability, we should pursue hospitality (as one translation says), pursue ways to show our brothers and sisters that our door is open to them, that we want to help care for them if they need it.

I hope you see what Paul’s doing here. Last week we spoke of using our gifts for the good of the body. In these verses, Paul tells us what should undergird our service: he describes what motivates our service and what characterizes it. Sincere and brotherly love, a passion for holiness, a desire to honor one another, a dedication to reminding one another of the hope that we have, joyful sacrifice for one another, hospitality.

Do you see why everything we see in these verses is so important to the conversation we had last week? The character of the body of Christ is what can prevent someone with a visible gift—whether it’s the preacher or the leaders or the musicians—from becoming prideful and jealous. And it is also what prevents someone with a less visible gift—someone who encourages or helps set up before service, for example—from feeling inferior. Godly character in the body of Christ reminds us that the important thing isn’t the gift at all, but rather the people we’re serving. It doesn’t matter what we do; what matters are the brothers and sisters for whom we sacrifice ourselves.

Love and Obedience in the World (v. 14-16)

In v. 14, we see a continuation of this list of commands, but there is a subtle shift that takes place. It’s not exact—there are some things here that could easily have gone into the previous list—but it is noticeable, because Paul begins v. 14 by speaking of persecution, before actively naming the object of our attention as “your enemy” in v. 20. This can happen in the body of Christ, but at least in a healthy church, someone who could be characterized as an “enemy” or a “persecutor” of the church will more likely come from outside.

So these verses are drawing our attention to how we are to live, not only in the church, but in the world—even with those who oppose and persecute us.

V. 14:

14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. 15 Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. 16 Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight.

So v. 14-16 speak about what should characterize our interactions with everyone—with other Christians in the church, yes, but also with people outside the church. Simply put, two easily perceptible marks of the Christian should be genuine empathy and, again, genuine humility.

He puts these two together, I think, because one produces the other: empathy and humility feed each other. 

We pursue humility because humility sands off the rough edges. It allows us to live in harmony, even with those with whom we have nothing in common. (Obviously Paul is not saying that we must always agree with everyone, or compromise our convictions, but rather express our disagreements and convictions in such a way that our love is evident.)

Humility makes us see others differently. It allows us, not necessarily to understand what someone else is going through, but at least to recognize that their pains and their joys are real, and it drives us to not let them stay alone. Because God didn’t leave us alone. The gift of simple human presence must not be underestimated, and unfortunately unbelievers often do this better than we do.

Now of course, these attitudes are not natural—particularly towards those who aren’t family. It’s easy to see why this should be the case inside the church (unity is impossible to maintain where pride and selfishness are given free rein). But why should we strive to be this way outside the church as well?

Again, one of the defining questions of these chapters is, What should a Christian look like? And the answer’s obvious: we should look like Jesus! That’s why he chose us, that’s why he saved us, Paul said in chapter 8—that we might be conformed to the image of Christ. “Go and make disciples of all nations,” Jesus told us in Matthew 28. But I’ve met multiple people who’ve said they don’t want to even listen to the gospel, because they’ve met Christians.

But what Paul describes here is exactly how Jesus himself lived, because Jesus saw them as people, created in the image of God—he was the one who created those people in his image, so he cared for them as people made in his image.

Love and Obedience with Our Enemies (v. 17-21)

So this is how we act towards all people. But Paul clearly feels the need to be more specific when it comes to the Christian’s interaction with those who could be considered his “enemies.”

V. 17:

17 Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. 18 If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.

So already Paul is setting the stage for what comes next. There’s a reason why it feels good to watch a movie like Kill Bill: it feels good to see someone who’s been wronged get revenge against those who wronged them. It feels like justice.

But vengeance is not true justice, and it’s not our job. Simply put, our job is to act honorably and peacefully, not matter how much revenge feels more right.

Now of course Paul is talking about personal vengeance—he’s not talking about justice handed down by the governing authorities (he’ll address that in the passage we’ll see next week), and he’s not saying we should let someone who is hurting others continue to do so: we should take steps to prevent someone dangerous from harming others.

He’s speaking about our personal efforts to inflict what was inflicted upon us. It gives us the impression of justice, but this “justice” is actually vengeance wearing a mask, and vengeance is not our job.

What Paul says here is a very practical explanation of what it looks like to love our enemies, as Jesus told us (Matthew 5.43-44). Paul gives us some insight here as to why Jesus said this. In these verses we see that love for our enemies, love for those who wrong or persecute us, accomplishes two specific things.

Firstly, love for our enemies teaches us to trust God. V. 19 again:

Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.”

I love that Paul doesn’t say we have no reason to feel anger towards our enemies. We do, and that anger is often right. But we don’t know how to handle it. We don’t know how to wield our anger appropriately.

We always talk about Jesus getting angry in the temple as an example of why anger isn’t necessarily a bad thing. That’s true…but I’m not Jesus. I don’t know how to do that without sinning. If I let myself try to imitate Jesus here, I’ll inevitably end up hating the object of my anger. I’ll end up becoming bitter and obsessive about the wrongs committed against me.

Here’s the good news: God is angry enough for all of us. He will exact vengeance against the guilty; he will repay. We don’t need to carry that load. It’s normal to be angry, but we don’t have to act on that anger. We can leave it in God’s hands, and trust that his anger against sin will come out—either against Christ on the cross or against those who continue to reject God. We can let it go.

Secondly, love for our enemies defeats evil. V. 20:

To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.”

Now if you read this and thought this is strange, you’re not alone. Heap burning coals on his head? It’s almost like he’s prescribing a kind of passive-aggressive vengeance. This is actually a quote from Proverbs 25.21-22, but still: it seems like the motivation might be a bit off-kilter.

But there are two things at work behind this idea, I think. The first is simply that it’s the right thing to do—it’s what Jesus told his disciples to do, and it’s what he did himself, when he healed the ear of the guard who came to arrest him (Luke 22.51). But that doesn’t answer the question of what effect this is really meant to have on the enemy: what purpose the “burning coals on his head” serve if not to punish him.

Every parent has had this experience. You’re exhausted and irritable, and one of your kids gets on your nerves. You snap at them, you’re short with them, you’re unfair towards them—and they’re obviously hurt. They leave, and you keep doing whatever you were doing, feeling vindicated. Then a short time later, the kid comes back a little nervously…and gives you a hug, kisses you on the cheek.

In that moment, you feel miserable. You ask yourself how you could ever bring yourself to hurt this little person who, despite being annoying sometimes, loves you more than anything. If you’re a good parent, that’s when you ask for forgiveness, and the hug gets tighter.

Obviously it’s a different situation—there probably won’t be a lot of hugs and kisses with an enemy—but the idea is the same. Kindness in the face of persecution is so incongruous that it forces the persecutor to examine himself. Perhaps he’ll ignore what he sees, but there will be a moment when he has to see that what he is doing is wrong. Loving our enemies forces them to confront their sin.

You see, Paul is not telling us to be pushovers. He is telling us to choose a different fight. V. 21:

Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

Inevitably, choosing to love our enemies will feel weak. It will feel like stepping down. But this is wartime language; this is the battlefield strategy of the kingdom of God—overcome evil. Don’t let it take you; fight it. But fight it with good. The battlefield strategy of the kingdom of God is love for our enemies, goodness towards them instead of retribution, which takes bravery, because it requires us to run the risk of seeming weak.

Whatever happens when we love them—whatever comes of that moment of self-examination—is not up to us. If they persist, all they do is amass more of God’s judgment against themselves. But God has used far less to bring people to him. How beautiful would it be to gain a brother or a sister in this way?

Conclusion

Inside the church, amongst ourselves, God’s call on us is very high. Sincere and brotherly love, a passion for holiness, a desire to honor one another, firm hope, patience in pain, joyful sacrifice for one another.

And outside the church, God’s call on us is very high. Humility when we want to be seen as self-sufficient, empathy even when it’s inconvenient, and love for those who persecute us, rather than retribution.

How is it possible? We have seen the love of God for us in Christ. And we want to keep seeing it. So we present ourselves to God as a sacrifice, and we let him transform us. We conform ourselves to him, rather than the world, and we become as he is, we love as he loves. Every time we see ourselves, or a brother or a sister, taking on the character of Christ when it is so unnatural, we are seeing Christ’s miraculous work manifested again, right before our eyes. And we want the world to see it too.

This is what Jesus meant when he said, “By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another” (John 13.35).

In the light of his love for us, it is the only reasonable response.